Today December 9, 2008 is my 42nd wedding anniversary to my dear Lloyd. Unfortunately I haven't had the blessing of having him for 42 years. I was allowed 25 years with him. I feel cheated out of something that was the dream of my life, the hope of all my tomorrows and the love of my life. I'll never have him hold me in his arms and tell me things will be ok. He and I will never enjoy together the activities of our children, or our grandchildren. He has not been with me as each of my children have married, never shed tears with me as our children transitioned from childhood to adulthood. Never held a grandchildren and felt the tender little kisses they share. Never cheered on the sidelines for an adoring grandson, nor had the rush of pride with each child's accomplishments. Never saw his oldest child receive his Master's Degree from college and make full circle with becoming a vice-principal at Tooele High. Never enjoyed hunting trips with his sons, nor football games, basketball games and wrestling matches. Never watched as his little granddaughter wins the championship in softball nor see his ballerina perform on stage.
Simply said Lloyd and I are traveling separate roads. His road is in a realm that I have no conception of. I don't know his world. Where as he does know mine. I don't know where he is and he knows where I am all the time. I cry alone and feel the emptiness of life without him, but he feels my pain and knows my emptiness. I feel cheated, and he knows the Great Plan. I feel it is a lifetime of losses and he knows it is only for a short moment. I am told the Lord will make up for all of our heartache and our losses. I don't know how that works, but I must believe it is so. I am told there is a principle of compensation, I don't know how that works but I must believe it is so. I have to believe or there is no hope for the coming tomorrows. I must say he gave me four beautiful miracles and in turn they gave me nine angelic energetic miracles. Thanks you Lloyd Jackson, somehow I will make it so that someday I can be with you eternally.. . . . .
We will meet again someday.
1 comment:
Oh Karie you made me cry. You are such an incredible woman.
I had to speak in church a couple weeks ago on Service and Visiting Teaching and I used your story that was in the Ensign.
Thanks for being such a great example :)
Post a Comment