It is my party and I will cry if I want to! Yikes! Time is moving way too fast and I want it to slow down. I just turned another year older, and this one makes me older than dirt. But the alternative to another birthday is no birthday at all, and that is not good. . . I am happy to be alive and healthy, slow but still moving. I wish I had some great life philosophy to share with everyone but I don't. Just the same old saying that seem to be true. Enjoy each day as if it is your last. It could very easily be. Love more and more each day the ones that are the closest to you, because that can end in the blink of an eye. I know it has ended for me several times. And I did love more! Life is hard, it is meant to be that way. Nothing that is of value come easily. I have shed a river of tears, I have traveled many miles and I would do it all over again even knowing what was ahead of me. There are some regrets though. I will share them with you. And my wishes that have never come true. First, I wish I had never allowed Lloyd to transplant me to Tooele. Don't get me wrong, I love living in Tooele, I have wonderful friends that I otherwise would not have, I have had a great journey while living here, BUT, I wish I had never left Payson! I love Utah county, that is where my ancestors settled and that says alot. That is where extended family is and I miss them so much. I am getting older and so are they, things change, and I wish I had never left Payson, and I wish my Dad had not left and my brother. My only sibling lives 350 miles away from me. He might just as well live 3000 miles away. The distance is too great. I have missed out on so much by not living close to him and his family. Now time is running out and we will never live close again.
I regret not spending more time with my kids when they were little. Now isn't that the typical regret of most mothers. I wish I had not wanted them to grow up so fast. When Lloyd died all four of my children lived at home and my baby grandson Joel. I wish I had enjoyed that time more. But I was thrown into the path of grieving and I didn't enjoy that special time being so close to my kids and my grandchild. We all did our best. I regret that I am a worrier. It robs me of my peace of mind. I think I am a natural born worrier, I keep trying to not worry so much and just let things work out. But every once in a while I am caught in the web of worry. Some may think that I should have never married my second husband Jim. But you are wrong if you think that. I loved him and I still have a special place in my heart for him. I was taught so much in the years that I was with him. I wouldn't trade that journey for anything.
I am sorry I don't have 61 more years, so I could change some of the things I couldn't change in my first 61 years. Some things I wouldn't be able to change, it was part of the plan that God set. I guess it is just part of live, the older you get the more relationships mean to you and all the other things mean less.
I have decided in the next few posts I am going to share some of my most cherished memories. For my 61st birthday I am going have lunch with my life long best friend Vickie. My cousin Louise is going to join us. I am going to pamper myself. Have my hair cut, and have my nails done. I am going to spend the day doing what I want to do eat what I want, and just enjoy being 61. I won't cry for my party, I will celebrate a great life. I posted my regrets and my wishes, and now I will move on, smell the roses, breath the air, listen to good music, compliment myself, be kind to myself, and look for the humor. I am 61 and I am alive. . . . . . KL